


On Melancholy Hill

by marblebutts



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Smoking, Song Lyrics, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4182912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marblebutts/pseuds/marblebutts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jay and Tim have to learn how to get along if they want to survive, but can they first survive each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Melancholy Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Song fic to Gorillaz's On Melancholy Hill.

Both Tim and Jay’s behavior began to change once the two moved in together. It wasn’t a negative change nor was it positive either. It was just a change, a shift in their personality and mood that could not be summarized or described with ease. Both Tim and Jay acted in a way that Jay simply called being “Up on Melancholy Hill.”

 _There’s a plastic tree_  
_Are you here with me?_  
_Just looking out on the day  
_ _Of another dream_

“Well, you can’t get what you want,” Tim started, lighting up his first cigarette of the day. Jay looked up from his coffee, confused at the sudden statement. He waited a bit to see if Tim would say anything else but, after awkwardly staring at each other from across the small kitchen table, Jay decided to speak up.

“What?” He asked. Tim took a long drag from his cigarette before answering. 

“You can’t get what you want,” he repeated, blowing out the nicotine smoke. “You want a happy ending, don’t you?” Jay didn’t answer; Tim continued. “I don’t think a happy ending is even a possibility now. That chance disappeared a long time ago.” Tim took another drag of his cigarette as Jay uncomfortably tapped at his ceramic coffee mug.

Jay _did_  want a happy ending. He understood it was a foolish thought, but he at least hoped to find a satisfying closure to this whole situation. A decent one at least. Wasn’t that just human nature? To want a happy end no matter how miserable a situation seemed to get? That hope for a happy ending was what kept Jay going. But there was Tim, telling him he would never achieve it. Jay was already used to harsh reality crashing down on him constantly, but Tim’s words had a strange effect on him. His words just simply hurt him.

Looking down at the black coffee, Jay sighed in defeat, a response never coming to his mind. 

“Don’t worry about it, though,” Tim continued, putting out his cigarette in the ash tray next to him. He let out a forced chuckle, “I don’t think I’m going to get what I want either.” He stood up from his chair and began to make his way out of the kitchen. 

Jay, without much thought, too a quick breath of air and declared, “But you can get me.”

_So let’s set out to sea, love_

“Because you are  _my_  medicine!” Jay cried out, tears quickly forming. He shut his eyes and turned away from Tim, not wanting the older man to see him cry.

Jay had attempted to keep the peace between them. With their differing personalities, he made that goal one of his top priorities the instant he moved in with Tim. And while the first few weeks were a success, their pet-peeves soon got the best of them. Tim’s chain smoking and Jay’s habit of misplacing items were usually the source of their argument. They were minor inconveniences, though, and Jay didn’t think too much of it once the dispute was over.

Tim’s newly-formed habit of sneaking more and more pills into his daily intake was more than a minor inconvenience.

Tim was late for work, something that Jay knew he didn’t make a habit of. He found him sitting on the edge of his bed, the orange pill bottle firmly held in his hands. Jay questioned him at first but, after receiving no answer, decided to try and take the bottle away instead. Tim only tightened his grip on the bottle in return. Concern turned into anger and the two began a heated argument. Each one attempted to yell over the other, making their words hard to understand. But there was one phrase that stood out among all the obscenities and random banter. 

“I just want to  _die in peace!_ ”  Tim confessed. “Why can’t you just let me have that?”

Jay felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He stopped breathing for a moment, his mind replaying Tim’s words like a broken record. 

“Tim…” Jay managed to croak out. “D-don’t-“

“And why not?“ Tim cut him off. "Why does it matter if I do or don’t?” Tim continued to yell. “You’ve been alone before. You’ve been all alone for the longest time! It shouldn’t be a problem for you by now!” 

No. Jay wouldn’t have that. He couldn’t. He couldn’t lose Tim. Not again. 

“It matters to me!” Jay yelled back, his voice much louder than before. Tim took a small step back, seemingly surprised at Jay’s response. “It matters to me be-because,” Jay stammered, trying to put the words he wanted to say together. He began to feel the familiar sting behind his eyes and took a deep breath. “Beause you are  _my_  medicine!” 

Jay was now shaking, trying his hardest not to cry. He shut his eyes and turned away. 

The two stayed silent for a while, each one avoiding eye contact, when Tim finally decided to speak up. “W-why?” He questioned. “How?”

“When you’re close to me,” He answered his voice soft. “When you’re close to me.”

 _So call in the submarines_  
_‘Round the world we’ll go_  
_Does anybody know her?  
_ _If we’re looking out on the day_

“Of another dream…” Jay mumbled, burying his face in the crook of Tim’s neck. Tim, in return, held Jay closer, rubbing small circles on his back. 

The two had heard rustling and footsteps outside of their home. Their paranoia rising, they quickly set up Jay’s camera and sat in the living room together. If was silent between them at first, as it always was, but they soon found conversation. Nothing specific, just random nonsense to keep each other, not only calm, but awake. They talked for a while, television being used for background noise, before Jay finally began to feel tired. Tim laid back on the couch allowing Jay to rest his head on his chest. If Jay was going to fall asleep, Tim was going to at least keep him safe.

After a chain of yawns and muttered “I’m tireds,” Jay’s speech eventually turned into jumbled words and incomprehensible murmurs. Tim tried to stay quiet so the younger man could fall asleep, but Jay was conscious enough to realize the silence between them.

“Tim, tell me…” Jay started up again. “Tell me… Of another dream…” he yawned. “… Of yours.”

Tim was tired of talking. Jay had been asking him questions the whole time, forcing stories out of him. Then Jay started asking about dreams. Whether he meant future plans or literal dreams was beyond him, but he answered both. Future plans and dreams he would have as a child, most of them made up on the spot for the added sparkle he was aware was absent from his actual childhood. It made Jay smile, though, so he kept spewing his make-believe dreams.

But now Tim was tired, and the lack of concentration severely cramped his imagination.

“Tim…” Jay whined like a child. “Another dream please.” Even at the verge of passing out he was persistent. Tim rolled his eyes at Jay’s whining before answering.

“Why don’t you tell me about your dreams instead, huh?”

“I don’t have any…”

“Your dreams. Now.”

Jay, in return, buried his face in Tim’s chest. He muttered something before looking up at the dark-haired man. “I want to travel,” he responded, another yawn escaping his lips. He then laid his head back down.

Travel? Tim figured that, after three years of moving around from one place to another, Jay would never plan on leaving his current home. Then again, he was half-asleep, so maybe it was just random blabber that would escape his mind.

“Why travel?” Tim pocked at the subject anyways. Jay sighed deeply before answering.

“Sailing…” He said. “Like, a ship. Or, a boat. Yeah. I want to float out into the ocean on a small boat.” 

“… Why?”

Jay let out a small laugh. “Wouldn’t it be nice?” He closed his eyes. “Just… Out in the middle of nowhere… Nothing but water around you. No… No noise, no worries. Nothing but blue colors everywhere…” 

Tim figured it was just random blabber again, but it was just so strange. “By yourself?” 

Jay hummed a response. Silence fell over them again and Tim figured Jay had finally fallen asleep, when he spoke up again.

“With a guitar…” He added. “Remember in high school, I started learning it but… I don’t know… I want to learn it again. Just… Just a guitar and me… And the ocean… Sounds great…” 

No, he didn’t go to high school with Jay nor did he know him back then, but he did remember seeing a guitar in his room once during the filming of Marble Hornets. He didn’t know he actually played it, though. All together, the request sounded crazy, but so simple. 

Jay just wanted simplicity. 

Tim held Jay closer, Jay lazily wrapping his arms around Tim’s neck in return. 

“But what if…” Tim started, the question he always asked himself tugging at his mind. “If you can’t get what you want?”

Jay let out a small laugh almost instantly, as if already expecting the very question. He moved himself up to kiss Tim’s cheek before answering, “Then you come with me.”

 _Up on Melancholy Hill_  
_Sits a manatee_  
_Just looking out on the day  
_ _When you’re close to me_

“When you’re close to me,” Tim whispered, his lips lightly brushing against Jay’s. He stared at the smaller man, envying how easy it was for him to fall asleep. He was always the first one of the two to knock out. Always. Jay would cuddle close to Tim, wrap his arms around his neck, and instantly fall asleep. It was almost tradition. Tim, on the other hand, would spend his sleepless nights watching Jay, admiring how peaceful his face looked when sleeping. 

He took note of all his little movements; how his shoulders would slowly rise and fall with each breath, how his facial expressions would constantly change due to his dreams. But the thing that Tim would admire the most was the color and fullness that was returning to Jay’s face. He remembered when Jay had barely moved in with him. He had never noticed how thin, pale, and unhealthy he looked until then. Overtime, though, Jay began to gain weight and his cheeks began to gain a natural pink tint. The bags under his eyes, although still evident, were now a light blue rather than the deep purple they once were.

Jay was getting food, Jay was getting sleep. Jay was getting better and it was all because of Tim.

Jay suddenly crinkled his nose and frowned, a pained expression taking over his face. Tim snapped out of his thoughts at the sight. Jay shifted a bit and muttered a few illogical words. He was having a nightmare. Without much thought, Tim softly pecked Jay’s lips. Jay slightly opened his eyes at the action, staring at Tim.

“You were having a nightmare,” Tim stated. Jay gave a drowsy smile. Tim returned the smile before adding, “Go back to sleep.” Instead Jay did his usual: he draped his arms around Tim’s neck and cuddle close. He kissed his lips and laid his head next Tim’s, the tips of their noses touching.

“I love you Tim,” Jay breathed out. Tim wrapped his arms around Jay’s waist and brought him closer. Jay fell back asleep soon after, leaving him alone with his thoughts again.

It wasn’t the first time Jay had informed him of his love. The first few times were awkward, Jay merely whispering the phrase once every couple of days. But now he said it multiple times a day, each one just as genuine as the last. Even so, Tim couldn’t bring himself to say it back. He knew he wasn’t in love with Jay. He grew to care for him, yes, but not love. No, Tim wasn’t in love with Jay.

Jay muttered incoherent words in his sleep again. Tim smiled. Usually a creepy habit, Tim thought that Jay’s tendencies to talk in his sleep were actually funny, if not adorable. Jay made him smile with his tiny habits.

No. Tim wasn’t in love with Jay, but he was getting there. Slowly but surely.

Tim planted a soft kiss on Jay’s lips. “You make me happy,” he whispered to Jay’s sleeping form, “You make me feel genuinely happy.”

_When you’re close to me_


End file.
